What You Find Out

It’s amazing what you find out when you start going through the beginning of a divorce. I’m finding out some interesting things. And the source, of all people, is my own mom.

Now my mom has dealt with the public for years. She worked in an industry that loaned money to farmers in the beginning, although they did branch out into regular home mortgages eventually. The thing is that she had dealings with all kinds of people including angry ones. She isn’t a person who responds in kind. She tries to diffuse the situation first, but never raises her voice or resorts to insults. If you knew her, you would know that. It’s obvious right away.

The first bit of information I knew something about, but I didn’t know the whole story. It starts the night before the wedding and an argument we had. My mom called his mom to find out more information.

During that conversation, my mom told her that if he didn’t want to marry me, it was okay. We would handle it and they didn’t need to worry about anything. That is not what I was told she said. I was told her exact words were, “You can keep the dog and we’ll keep the baby”. This did not sound like my mom and keep in mind I was told this years later.

The more I have thought about that statement, the more I realized if my mom came anywhere close to saying that, she had to have been defending me. And after the recent events, I’m sure I know what was said. Knowing my MIL, my mom never said anything like that. You see, my MIL makes up things to get people to see situations her way. If my mom had said that, my MIL had to make reference to the fact that they thought I got pregnant on purpose to trap him and that it may not even be his. Yeah……

Anyway, the other bit of information had to do with Amanda’s funeral. It was a very “in-house” kind of funeral. I worked on a CD that had music from songs that Amanda loved to songs that her siblings wanted on there in remembrance of her. We all sent photos to my brother who then made a Power Point presentation with them. It was set to three songs that were beautiful.

My dad is a minister and he conducted the funeral home service and the graveside service which my brother, also a minister, contributed to. My brother and stepmother both wrote poems for her and read them at the funeral. In other words, the family did this together.

Now keep in mind that Amanda is buried 460 miles from where I live. She was prepared here at a funeral home but she was transported to Illinois by a very dear friend. Not only did he come, but his mother (love her) came with us and she was great. She was taking care of everyone because we had so much going on.

Needless to say, we planned the funeral when Amanda was still alive. She got to try on her “funeral attire” before she had to wear it forever. During the whole process, I regularly asked his parents what they wanted to do for the service. I wanted to know if they had specific ideas for the service and burial. They repeatedly said no, they didn’t have anything they specifically wanted.

The reason I’m giving you the background to the funeral is because of a comment that was made by my MIL. You see, we had a lot of people who said they loved how personal we made it. In fact, I didn’t hear anyone say they didn’t like it. Today, my mom told me that she overheard my MIL make a comment after the service that day.

She heard someone tell my MIL that they loved the service and wondered how they had come up with the ideas. My MIL, who had been repeatedly asked what she wanted, said, “I don’t know, the Witmers planned it”. (That would be my family) If you knew her, you would know it was a dig. She never has liked us.

I’m sure I will find out more as time goes on and I’ll keep you posted.

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Dazee Dreamer said...

Wow. Just wow. And that sounds like a wonderful funeral. Very personal.

Your MIL is very much on my naughty list.


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