I’ve had a running dialogue going through my head for some time now. It’s what I’d like to say to him. I know it wouldn’t change how he sees me, but it might make me feel better.
He thinks I’m not good enough for him. What else can someone think when they are told they don’t do enough for the other person? I’ve had time to think about why he is the way he is. It all stems from his parents.
He grew up in a house where his mother ruled everything. She would have hissy fits and his father wouldn’t do anything about it. He even told the boys that if they ever caused her to have a meltdown again, (they were arguing), they would have to find somewhere else to live. In other words, she came before them in their own father’s eyes.
On top of that, she is a very critical person. Nothing is ever good enough. If someone doesn’t look a certain way, there is something wrong with them. It is never her. And there is something else that strikes me as a prominent aspect of her personality. She seems to feel everyone owes her. Like the world owes her. I don’t get that. She passed these traits and some other negative ideas on to her son.
He feels it is okay to make people around him feel less important because he needs to be the center of attention. He will get louder and louder if others start having conversations around him. And the only time he is laughing is when he’s talking about someone else. He refers to them as “idiots” and points out all their weaknesses. Most of the time he thinks it’s okay because they aren’t there. At least in his mind that is acceptable. He can also use those around him as his laughter source.
He has used the person who got him the job and relentlessly hounds him through insults and what he calls teasing. And I don’t mean by a little amount. I mean that he can go what seems like forever with it. The problem is this. If that person teases him in any way, shape, or form, he is livid. Not only does he get angry, he then decides that the guy is talking down to him. And that isn’t the only person he accuses of that.
Those people include me, another couple friends of his and my brothers. He can find someone doing that anywhere. So it isn’t limited to those in his circle, he lets everyone share the fun. One of those friends is really special to me and should be to him.
That friend is the one who carried my daughter’s casket, with her inside, to Illinois where she is buried in the family plot. I find this absolutely terrible. My friend is the only one I would have allowed to carry her there, but someone can’t stand to be emotionally indebted to anyone. His solution is to make that person insignificant.
He extends that courtesy to me. He accomplishes that by taking over conversations in public, referring to everything as his, and raising his voice level over mine. Nice, huh?
My conclusion is actually somewhat odd. The reasons could be either or. Either he really thinks he’s better than everyone, or he’s intimidated by our intelligence. What do you think?